shit my sister says

“that’s what happens to men. they’re skinny until they’re fat,” 

issaisss:

i was getting dressed today and i put my leggings on my legs and i put my boots on after and i went to pull the pants up and realized i was still wearing shorts, so i wore shorts under my leggings today like an asshole.

mermaidmilk:

……………..grilled shrimp?

“blueberry and hamster? WHAT?”

mermaidmilk:

……………..grilled shrimp?

“blueberry and hamster? WHAT?”

“someone gave me this at work”

“someone gave me this at work”

iwumbo:

“are you coming home for dinner?”
“no i’m playing left 4 dead” 

some bitch across the table in art: “i hated brink”

issa (under her breath): “take. it. back.”

“yeah because i can pick up milk with my fingers, you DICK”

- issa on not having napkins